I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize