I hate all girls vehemently.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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