my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
