he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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