Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My pussy is not your playground.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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