Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
