Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
