So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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