based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
That reminds me...we need to get swords
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
