my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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