Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
