just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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