I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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