Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I booty called her while she was in labor.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
