well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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