nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize