either way he was missing a nipple.
She's the barista slut.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
