i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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