sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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