Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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