The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
