U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
