I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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