I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
