When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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