That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he puts the penis in happiness.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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