I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
