i need an iv and a liver transplant
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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