last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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