My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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