I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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