Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize