What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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