Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
In America we eat man semen.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
