So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
