i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
