just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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