Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
COCAINE IS GR8
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
