I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
