And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
