My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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