Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
