My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
