I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
