Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
