This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
