PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
