I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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