I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
