Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
