On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
