I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
40s are totally the cure
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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