Whatcha textin bout Willis?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
