I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She needs sedatives and a leash
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
