She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
