I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
