Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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