I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
