She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
