Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
