I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
