Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
