If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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