Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
