That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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