I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
