If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
