but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
