Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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