The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Bring me that man meat
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
