the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
