She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
