i permit you to call me
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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