I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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