i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
