when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
