The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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