Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
These tits shall not be calmed
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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