When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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