I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
