Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
