Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
