I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Text me some of your sweat
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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