Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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