You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
