She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
