I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
